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Why self-leadership is essential
In ministry, who you are matters more than what you say. Words may make an impression in the short term, but over time, your character and way of life leave a much more lasting impact. I can’t recall, for instance, a single thing the man who led me to Christ when I was a teenager ever said, but I can tell countless stories about how he lived—and how that shaped me.
That’s why self-leadership is essential. In ministry, the currency is trust. When people trust you, they will listen, even when the message is hard. They give you the benefit of the doubt when you make mistakes and ask for forgiveness. But if people don’t trust you, everything becomes a struggle. People’s past experiences with church influence their trust balance before they even meet you—some are inclined to trust you because they had positive experiences, while those whose experiences were negative are more skeptical.
As a well must be dug before you start feeling thirsty, trust must be built before you need it—before you need to say something hard, before you’ve made a mistake. And much of that begins with who you are, and how you live, when you think no one is watching.
1. Nurture your relationship with Jesus
Ministry is spiritual work, and we are in a spiritual war. Spiritual warfare must be dealt with spiritually, and if you don’t walk closely with Jesus, you’re not prepared for the fight. In John 15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.”
For church leaders reading this, that will seem unhelpfully obvious. We all know we need to be walking with Jesus! But ironically, the more gifted you are, the easier it is to drift from dependence on Him. You wake up, rely on your abilities, and subconsciously put God on standby—ready to call on Him if things get tough. But this overconfidence can get you in trouble. Dependence is the true essence of leadership. When we are weak, God is strong.
2. Focus on your strengths when it comes to your giftedness
Part of leading yourself well is understanding how God has wired you. What gifts has He given you? What experiences have shaped you? How can you play to your strengths? Spiritual gifts aren’t always obvious, especially early on, so discovering them takes time and practice. But one thing is clear—ministry is a team sport, and we each have a role to play. God has entrusted us with gifts, and we are responsible for using them well.
That’s why focusing on the areas where you are less gifted is a mistake. Ministry is a team sport. Instead of spending your energy trying to improve the areas where you are weak, surround yourself with people whose strengths complement yours. The hardest people to work with in ministry are those who are mistaken about their own gifts—often because they’re imitating a mentor whose strengths don’t align with theirs.
I learned this firsthand when I planted a church in Washington, D.C. I was the right person to start it, but over time, I realized I didn’t enjoy preparing messages, which was a huge part of my role. I’ve always preferred taking tests to writing papers, yet here I was, writing two papers a week. I love being with people, not stuck behind a desk. My role was drifting away from my gifting, and it felt like a slow-motion car wreck.
I had to step back and evaluate: What are my strengths? How can I develop them? Who else can step into the areas where I’m weak? Since I’m gifted in leadership and strategy, I eventually pursued business school, which put me on a path that led to my role here at Watermark, where I’m using the gifts God actually gave me. We all have to do things we don’t love sometimes, but leadership goes a lot better when you operate in your God-given strengths.
3. Focus on your weaknesses when it comes to your character
When it comes to character, it’s your weak spots that will sink you. Many start well in ministry, but few finish well. The Bible is full of examples of leaders who self-destructed along the way. If you want to finish well, you have to look ahead and identify the ditches you’re most likely to fall into. Ask yourself: If I were to self-destruct in ministry, what character flaw would be to blame?
If you can’t answer that, you're in trouble. When ministry gets hard—when you’re discouraged, depleted, or under pressure—sin can suddenly look very attractive. You have to know where you’re vulnerable to sin and make a plan to guard against it.
For me, it’s anger. I don’t think of myself as an angry person, but having five kids has a way of testing that. I’ll never forget one road trip from Dallas to Nashville when my kids were young. Just ten miles in, two of my girls started getting into it in the back seat. No amount of threats, distractions, or reasoning could stop them. I wasn’t about to pull over, so I grabbed the closest object—a tissue box—and hurled it into the back. It hit one of my daughters, who reacted as if she’d been mortally wounded. My first thought? Good! At least now you actually have something to be upset about!
But then, seconds later, the tissue box came flying back and hit the dashboard right next to me. I was gearing up for all-out war when it hit me: What am I teaching my kids about how to deal with anger? I’ve seen too many adults still carrying wounds from angry fathers. This character flaw, I realized, had the potential to sink my ministry as a father if I didn't wrestle it to the ground.
Once you identify your potential ditches, you need a proactive plan to keep them from derailing you. For me, that meant memorizing scripture on anger and asking my community to hold me accountable. To this day, guys in my life ask me things like, “When’s the last time you raised your voice with one of your kids?” These things have helped me grow.
But it all starts with awareness—you can’t fix what you don’t see. Leading yourself well means identifying the two or three character flaws that could shipwreck your ministry. Is it pride? Greed? Lust? No one sets out to disqualify themselves from ministry, but sadly, it happens all the time. We have to ask: What are my weak spots, and who is helping me guard against them?
Three Leadership Traits That Matter Most
Because ministry is about who you are, not just what you say, the most important thing you can do is lead yourself well. That starts with nurturing your relationship with Jesus—because apart from Him, you can do nothing. It means leaning into your strengths when it comes to your giftedness, trusting that God placed you in the body of Christ for a reason. And it requires confronting the character weaknesses that can derail your ministry and your calling, keeping you from becoming the man or woman God wants you to be. You could list dozens of qualities that make a great leader, but these are the three I believe will have the greatest impact on your development as a leader and as a person God can use.
