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Your biggest discipleship opportunity
As church leaders, we know the importance of serving married couples. God has established the importance of marriage, and from a practical perspective, married couples comprise the majority of most congregations. But when serving marriages, we tend to set our sights far too low. Marriage ministry often gets relegated to its own bubble, separate from the overall spiritual shepherding of the church. If this is your church's reality, you are missing out on what is likely your biggest discipleship opportunity.
Pain Draws Those Who Need Discipling
One of the paradoxes of ministry is that the people most in need of discipleship are often the least likely to ask for it. They are so far from Christ that they don’t even see how lost they are. A big exception, however, is couples experiencing marital distress. As 1 Corinthians 7:28 promises, “those who marry will face many troubles in this life,” and without a solid understanding of sacrificial love, many couples face pain they can’t fix or ignore. The deep wounds left by conflict, betrayal, and resentment can compel them to seek help.
Offering a marriage ministry like Re|engage allows people who would never attend church on a Sunday to encounter Christ. Even couples who regularly attend church but shy away from authentic community can feel more comfortable in a group where everyone else is fighting the same battle. Whether a couple has simply gotten out of sync or is actively going through the divorce process, the answer is the same: Jesus Christ.
Marriage Is A Refining Fire
If Sunday morning service is a classroom where we learn spiritual theory, marriage is a laboratory where we put it into practice. And yes, sometimes things may blow up. But this is a critical part of spiritual development—the part where head knowledge becomes lived reality. It isn’t difficult to listen to a message about 1 Corinthians 13 and agree that you should love unconditionally. What reveals your heart is the way you actually treat your spouse when you are frustrated or tired.
Marriage tests the strength of your beliefs. It’s no accident that our spiritual lives are tied to the way we treat our spouses (1 Peter 3:7); a heart that is at war with a spouse cannot be at peace with God. Marriage reveals and confronts imperfection. All of the principles that make marriage work boil down to imitating the sacrificial love of Christ.
Effective Marriage Ministry Is Discipleship
Many churches make the mistake of separating marriage ministry from discipleship, throwing out solutions like books, counselors, and one-off couples retreats, but not investing in relational guidance. There is a time and place for all of those approaches. But marriage ministry that works is all about making disciples. Just like everyone else, what married people need most is the Gospel.
When you choose a marriage ministry to offer, whether you create your own or use an existing program, evaluate it first and foremost for its discipleship potential. Are you just teaching head knowledge, or equipping them to live out their convictions under pressure? Does the structure support authenticity and accountability? Whatever participants learn about—communication, finances, family, etc.--is it ultimately the gospel applied to marriage (Ephesians 5:25)?
If you haven’t prioritized ministering to married couples, pray that God would show you the field that’s ripe for harvest. Married people are your largest audience—what are you doing to reach them? And if your marriage ministry has become complicated, irrelevant, or off-track, take time to reevaluate in light of the calling to make disciples. It isn’t easy, but it is simple.
