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What we've learned the past 14 years
Church marriage ministries offer on-ramps into your church for people who might never otherwise come. They establish an authentic and healthy foundation for families and relationships in your body, and they address an obvious and heartbreaking need, as couples within the church continue to separate and divorce at rates comparable to those outside it.
But deciding to serve married couples is the easy part; figuring out how to start a marriage ministry is much more complicated. You don’t need any special credentials to do this work--God equips the people he calls--but it does take wisdom and planning. Based on what we’ve learned over the past 14 years running our own marriage ministry, Re|engage, here are the steps you shouldn’t skip:
1. Pray before you do anything
“Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1). Without God’s blessing, even the most well-intentioned venture will fail. Long before you take action to begin a new ministry, you should be asking God for wisdom.
Seek his direction not only on whether or not you should launch a marriage ministry at all, but also on timing, format, and other details. Ask him to examine your heart and reveal anything that might keep him from using you for his glory. Ask him to raise up the right leaders. Pray first, and keep praying.
2. Choose an existing model
Leaders with lots of marriage ministry ideas often ambitiously decide to create their own program from scratch. Some churches are able to pull it off successfully. Most, however, underestimate the difficulty of getting a new program off the ground. Vision and passion are not enough to carry a curriculum through development, pilot groups, and revision, or to structure leadership training and create promotion strategies.
Instead of reinventing the wheel, we recommend choosing a turn-key marriage ministry solution like Re|engage, a 16-week marriage enrichment and restoration program available at no cost to qualifying churches. We’ve seen God do amazing work through re|engage, but there are other good options available. The important part is not to use our program, but to take advantage of the work other people have already done and invest your time and energy where it’s most needed. Even if you do plan to eventually develop your own model, it’s usually more effective to launch as an existing program and then switch after a few years.
3. Consider your demographics
It would be nice if every church could offer ministries specifically for couples in every life stage, but it’s not always possible. If you have to throw your weight behind just one area of focus, it’s worth considering your congregation’s needs, as well as those of the surrounding community.
If your church is next to a college campus and attended by lots of young people, for example, a premarital preparation course or a ministry for newlyweds might be the best offering. If your average member is closer to middle age, a program that focuses on healing and strengthening existing marriages is likely to be more useful. Don’t build a marriage ministry for yourself; build it for the people God has entrusted into your care.
4. Get buy-in from senior leaders
For a ministry to be successful, it must fit into the church’s strategic direction as a whole. Other leaders are understandably cautious about green-lighting a new venture that might divert resources from existing ministries. When proposing a new marriage ministry, review your church’s mission statement and identify how this ministry would support it.
Be shrewd in the way you present your proposal and make it clear that you want to work with other ministries, not compete with them. For example, if small groups for married couples already exist in your church, the small group leaders might feel that a marriage enrichment ministry would encroach on their “territory.” You can explain that participants will only be in the program for a set amount of time and that the authenticity practiced there will improve the health of their long-term small groups.
5. Assemble a team
Consider who might be qualified, willing, and available to serve as leaders or lay advisors. Married couples serving together often make the best marriage ministry leaders, especially those who are exceptionally dynamic and passionate or have weathered storms in their own relationships. Beware of anyone trying to exalt themselves or make themselves the focus of the ministry; passion is only an asset when it is for God’s name alone.
The body of Christ exists not to be served, but to serve—and it is often through service that we experience God’s best blessings. A marriage ministry creates opportunities for your congregants to look beyond themselves and pour into others who may be struggling. The need for a team of volunteers is actually an asset.
When God places marriages on your heart, it's easy to dive in blindly, trusting that the details will sort themselves out as long as you obey his leading. But wisdom builds a house (Proverbs 23:3), and prioritizing the right foundational steps as you begin is critical to establishing a ministry. This work is critically important, so important that it’s worth taking the time to do it right.
Work synergistically with the rest of your staff. Take advantage of the momentum other people have already developed—maybe by completing a Re|engage ministry interest form (we’ll follow up with you quickly). Above all else, bring every detail before God. Come with open hands and expect him to do great things in the marriages and families in and around your church.
