How To Handle Feedback
When you are in a position of leadership, feedback pretty much comes with the job. Someone has likely given you feedback this week in some form or another, whether it be a face-to-face observation from a friend or an anonymous email rant. It might be helpful and constructive, but often it feels critical and discouraging. Because of that negative aspect, many people dread receiving feedback.
It’s true that feedback can be unfair; some people criticize in order to hurt others rather than help them improve. However, much of the time, the problem with feedback lies with the listener. Our own insecurities and self-doubt can make us anxious about the prospect of receiving feedback, while our pride can make us discount what other people have to say. Most people therefore rarely ask for feedback, and may actively try to avoid it.
Although receiving feedback isn’t always fun, it can be a hugely helpful tool for church leaders—if you know how to use it well.
Why You Should Listen to Feedback
Having people you trust speak into your life is one of the best ways to grow as a person. It is one of God’s gifts to us, and how “one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
Our faults are often obvious to others but invisible to ourselves. Feedback lets us see into those blind spots (Psalm 19:12) and identify opportunities for improvement. Without it, we are not as effective as we could be.
Being a leader often means changing things up. For example, if your ministry grows, you have to grow along with it; what works well with 15 people might not fit when there are 500. Since feedback helps you change, it helps you lead (and lead well) through those changes.
Welcoming feedback is also an exercise in humility (Matthew 23:12). It means we readily admit that we are not yet perfect (Philippians 3:12), and that we are willing to listen to others and make changes for their benefit (Philippians 2:3-4).
What Feedback Should You Listen To?
Although we should welcome feedback, not all feedback is helpful. In fact, it can occasionally be hurtful, and sometimes intentionally so (Psalm 109:2-3). Even with the best intentions, some criticisms are based on personal preference, and what pleases one person can be displeasing to someone else.
That’s why it’s important to weigh the feedback you receive. Don’t handle it alone; ask trusted friends, family, or fellow leaders whether they see that criticism (or praise) as valid and true about your life.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering feedback that you’ve received:
- Do I trust the person providing the feedback?
- Are they trying to help me, or do they just like to complain?
- Does the feedback contradict Scripture?
- Does it contradict other feedback I’ve received, or have I heard it consistently from others?
- Have I prayed about it? Have I asked the Holy Spirit to convict me on whether it is true?
- Is it my problem, or their problem? In other words, does it highlight an area where I need to change my actions, or do they need to change their thinking or attitude toward the situation?
- Even if it was given in a hurtful way, does the feedback still ring true?
Trying on Feedback
If you are still unsure about whether the feedback you received is valid, consider “trying it on.” Much like trying on a new item of clothing, simply implement the suggested changes for a while and see if they are beneficial.
For example, if the feedback is that you talk too much, practice biting your tongue and focusing on being a better listener. If a coworker says that your meetings are unproductive, try having a spelled-out agenda. Whatever the feedback might be, try it on for size and see if it fits.
If you “wear” the feedback for a while and see positive results from the change, rejoice! The feedback obviously had some truth to it and helped you improve. However, if trying it on seems to make things worse, perhaps resulting in more negative feedback from others, then you can “take it off” and stop implementing those changes. You gave it an honest shot and found that the feedback wasn’t helpful after all. So, now you know.
The Heart of Feedback
Although feedback is a gift that can help us become more effective, remember that God’s grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). It’s not about earning God’s love or seeking the approval of man (Galatians 1:10). Our motivation should be to better love and serve each other (Romans 12:10), displaying the light of the gospel (Matthew 5:16) and not doing anything to make it less attractive (Titus 2:7-8).
With practice and a healthy dose of humility, you can learn to appreciate feedback—or even look forward to it. You can receive it gracefully and gratefully, knowing that it will help you become the kind of church leader and Christ-follower that God wants you to be.