FAQ: How should you counsel spouses that have divorce and remarriage in their story?

It is normal for spouses with divorce and remarriage in their story to have questions about their past actions at some point during their re|engage journey. One lesson that often brings it up is Commitment. The second action item says, “Read Mark 10:2-12. Write below what you think it means that God joins a husband and wife together and why it matters.” Mark 10:11-12 reads: “And he said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.’”

It is important to acknowledge that because God designed marriage to be a lifelong commitment between husband and wife, the divorce in their past was not God’s best for them. That said and with sensitivity to their specific circumstances, a remarried spouse will ultimately want to see and confess their divorce as sin, so that they can receive forgiveness from the Lord. First John 1:9 provides assurance that, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

It is paramount that this spouse be reminded of the truth in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Christ’s blood paid the price for the decision to divorce, and in confessing it as sin, the believing spouse does not live in a perpetual state of adultery as they may have interpreted when reading Mark 10:11-12. They can now glorify God in their current marriage, treating it as a lifelong covenant. Remind them that divorce is not an option in this marriage.

An additional takeaway for the remarried spouse is to consider if any steps need to be taken toward reconciliation with their former spouse (see Matthew 5:23-24), though not in an attempt to return to that relationship.

As individuals continue to process Mark 10:11-12, help them see that all throughout Scripture, God refers to the Israelite nation as an “adulterous” people because they denied his love for them, and worshipped idols. Even King David, a man after God’s own heart, was an adulterer (read Psalm 51). It is because marriage is a reflection of God’s covenant love for his people that our faithfulness in marriage is so important to him. He desires us to be faithfully committed in our marriages, just as he is faithfully committed to us through his covenant love.