What Is Re|engage?
You could say that the re|engage ministry was born out of burnout.
Prior to 2008, the Watermark Community Church marriage ministry looked like many others: couples in crisis would ask to meet with the marriage pastor for counseling. But with hundreds of couples needing help, these individual meetings put a lot of strain on the staff.
At the same time, Watermark already had a thriving recovery ministry. Instead of individual counseling with church staff, it was built around lay-led small groups. And it wasn’t necessarily limited to people in crisis; anyone could come and seek help with any sin issue they wanted to overcome. The overworked marriage pastor had a simple idea: what if we did something like that, but for marriages?
As a result, re|engage was launched in 2008. By God’s grace, we started hearing stories of how marriages were being transformed through the ministry. In 2012, a few other churches with similar marriage ministry struggles started offering re|engage themselves. Over time, the ministry has grown to the point that there are now several hundred locations.
So what makes re|engage different from other marriage ministries?
It Gives Ministry Away
As church leaders, our biblical calling is to “equip the saints for the work of ministry” (Ephesians 4:11-12). We are to “give ministry away” by equipping and empowering believers to disciple others. If you try to do everything yourself, you’ll end up with an Exodus 18:13-18 situation, where everyone in the church is standing around, waiting to meet with one overworked leader. As the latter part of that passage states, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone.”
Re|engage solves this problem by having a small group structure. Unlike traditional counseling where one couple meets in a private session with a pastor or counselor, re|engage has several couples meet together along with a facilitator couple. Church leaders “equip the saints” by training and coaching these facilitator couples, who are typically volunteer leaders. It’s basically Ephesians 4:12 and the rest of Exodus 18 as applied to marriage ministry.
Besides the benefits of sharing the workload, the small group structure helps facilitate life change. As couples share openly and honestly about the true state of their marriages, it often leads to deep, supportive relationships within the group. All of the participants in the group can encourage and help each other. Instead of one counselor, there is an abundance of counselors (Proverbs 11:14, 15:22, and 24:6).
It’s a Discipleship Program
The primary goal of re|engage is not to save couples from divorce or make their marriages better. The goal is to make disciples of Jesus Christ. As people align their hearts with God’s plan and His desire for their lives, all relationships improve, including their relationship with their spouse.
We offer marital help as a way to draw people into this discipleship program. Through their felt need to have a better marriage, couples come looking for help. Re|engage offers them what they really need: Christ.
2 Timothy 2:2 talks about the importance of teaching faithful people who will then go on to teach others. Re|engage puts this into practice by discipling facilitator couples, teaching them how to disciple their own small groups. It provides the multiplication effect that has grown the church throughout history.
It’s Focused on the Heart
Re|engage is not a “how to” list of tricks and techniques. Instead, our target is the heart. The first eight re|engage lessons are really the gospel as applied to marriage. There are lessons on acknowledging our own brokenness, understanding the need for grace, and both receiving and offering forgiveness.
It is only after addressing these heart issues that the second half of the curriculum teaches practical marriage tools like communication and conflict resolution. While some of these tools could be helpful by themselves, they are best applied by someone who’s heart is aligned with God’s heart. Besides, our goal is not to create “smarter sinners,” but to encourage people to be fully devoted followers of Christ. And because the same heart principles apply regardless of what your challenges are, re|engage can help couples whether they are on the verge of divorce or are doing relatively well in their marriage.
Marriages matter; they are the foundation for stable families and the building blocks of your church. Re|engage helps churches build into more marriages more effectively. To learn more, visit reengage.org.