Lesson 12: Sexual Intimacy Leader's Guide

KEY CONCEPT

Enjoy sex with your spouse as a gift from God!

The goal of this lesson is to help couples build a foundation upon which they can have healthy discussions regarding their sexual intimacy. While it would be encouraging if all their sexual intimacy issues could be surfaced during this lesson (and some might be), in reality this is often
an area of deep pain or neglect so the goal is simply to get them talking about it. The lesson does this by sharing God’s good design for sex and challenging any unhealthy views, then couples are given the opportunity to uncover and start addressing barriers that hinder their sexual intimacy.

QUESTION HIGHLIGHTS

Because participants may be reluctant to freely share on this topic, especially in front of the opposite gender, the discussion time is often handled differently. There are a couple of ways that could help create a safe place:

• Split by gender for at least part of the time. While this is a best practice it is by no means required. By this time, you know your group well enough to know what is best. When groups split by gender, some will stay apart for the entire time while some will combine at the end for prayer requests, life updates, etc.

  • If you choose to split for discussion and then come together at the end, it is normal for the two groups to wonder what the other group talked about. While they will certainly discuss on the drive home, it can be helpful if the leaders give a quick word of encouragement, i.e. “I was encouraged by what I saw with the guys. Everybody shared and I think you each have some very good next steps to take.”

• Rather than focusing on answers to the individual questions, try a few open-ended questions to stir up the discussion:

  • What conversations did you have this week? Refer to Action Item 1.
  • How were you challenged on this topic?
  • What did you identify in the Barriers to Sexual Intimacy section as something to focus on? Note: The list of barriers is very helpful because some participants will see for the first time that these things might affect physical intimacy.

REMINDERS

• Some things to bear in mind as you facilitate this topic:

  • While the topic can be awkward, don’t shy away from it. The group will take their cues from you. Lean in with confidence. o Even though much of the discussion could be somber and tense, it is OK to laugh when something is funny!
  • Encourage participants NOT to suffer from comparison. Just because some couples are in a healthy spot doesn't mean you should be at the same spot. Remind them that we are all on a journey navigating our past and seeking healing.
  • Avoid pressing people to share. If someone is quiet, follow up afterwards.
  • Be mindful about how much detail is shared, as graphic details may cause someone to stumble.

• Before coming to group, read Appendix A again in case abuse comes up.

• Reinforce the last paragraph of the lesson. It is critical for couples to understand that if they want a good sex life, all of marriage is foreplay. Are they pursuing their spouse regularly (Lesson 11)? Showing humility and serving their spouse (Lesson 4)? Praying together (Lesson 13)? Committed (Lesson 9)? If you want better sex, come prepared for next week’s lesson!

DID YOU KNOW?

For every 10 leaders that watch the Lesson Preview for Lesson 1, only 4 watch Lesson 14. It is human nature to grow weary or even relax a little (“I got this”) as you near the end of a group, so refocus your efforts to finish strong these last weeks. Some couples are just starting to “get it” and they deserve your very best! Hebrews 12:1-3, 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.